I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
