my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just found puke in my bra..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
