don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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