It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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