im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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