You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
