You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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