He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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