all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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