she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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