all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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