What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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