The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
