If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
