bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
