Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I cannot find my penis.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
