Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
