i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
