he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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