Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
