she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
