Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
