I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
