If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
