so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Your penis caused this!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
