I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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