My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
