eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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