guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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