The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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