Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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