Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
