I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
