1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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