I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
