mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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