it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
