we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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