I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
