I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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