Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
please come you make the beer taste better
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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