my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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