Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
