Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
