drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
