I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
