Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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