You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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