dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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