I don't usually arrange sex via text message
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
